Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Product Giveaway!

Not here...over on Monica's blog!

She is generously giving everyone a chance to win one of several energy bars - either a Prana, Boomi, or Supercharger bar. And there are a few different flavors to pick from, all of which look awesome!

Go forth and read her blog. It's a really fun place! And don't forget to enter her giveaway. :)

Monday, December 28, 2009

We Are Idiots

Hubs and I are stupid. We really are. We insist on eating until we're disgusted with ourselves.

This morning was good. I had an egg white omelette with veggies, some baked home fries, and an English muffin. Then Hubs and I burned over 1500 calories snow hiking. I'm not kidding! That's really how much we burned. We hiked for 2 hours. We worked up a bit of an appetite after that so we had lunch, and we did...okay. We both got soup (French onion for me, chili for him) and split an appetizer of which we brought back better than half. It's sitting in the refrigerator but I doubt it'll get touched. It's just too heavy - sliced potatoes with bacon and cheese, baked. Gross. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke.

We also ate too much dinner. It wasn't bad food...it was just entirely too much.

Hubs and I feel awful. I miss the feeling of having a small, light-feeling stomach. Instead I feel heavy, sluggish, tired, and nauseous. I haven't been really hungry for any of our meals here, and that's because I eat too much at one and it just doesn't digest before it's time for the next. Also, I'm not drinking enough water; my rings are tight again and I just feel toxic. I know that sounds dramatic and ridiculous, but I can't think of a better word for it.

I refuse to feel this way tomorrow. It's not going to happen.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The North Face

I'll get to the title in a bit. ;)

Hubs and I are on vacation in the White Mountains at the moment - we got here on Saturday and will be staying until Friday (or Saturday if I get my way!). So far on the food front, things have been absolutely disastrous. LOL Honestly, I'm very disgusted with myself. Usually it's not too bad because we're always very active up here, but it was raining yesterday and today so we haven't been able to do much hiking. But oh...we have been eating. I estimate that I've eaten over 3000 calories yesterday and today - each day, I mean. I decided to tally my breakfast this morning and realized I'd had 940 calories...before 8:30 AM. Chalk that up to two extra large breakfast sausages (475 calories) that I didn't initially order, but when the waitress said, "Would you like any bacon, ham, or sausage with that?" I caved. It's a throw back to the BK Lounge drive-through breakfast behavior, and I realize that now. That behavior is NOT acceptable, and it will NOT happen tomorrow. I will be making better choices, and the fact that the weather is going to be beautiful for the rest of our vacation will REALLY help with our activity level. I'm definitely looking forward to that!

So, about the title...

Hubs and I are pretty big outdoors-y types. We love hiking and kayaking; our favorite activity is hiking though, and I think we're pretty hardcore. We recently became members of the Appalachian Mountain Club, which was really cool for us. And we hike pretty much every season of the year, rain or shine. We came up here for my birthday week in October and hiked in freezing cold rain and fog, we've hiked in snow...we just love to HIKE. And even before I lost weight I enjoyed hiking, though it's much easier for me now. ;)

So anyway, over the past year or two Hubs and I have accumulated some really nice hiking gear. We have several pairs of Merrells, great North Face hiking packs, and for Christmas Hubs bought me a North Face shell to go over my North Face Denali fleece. Hubs already had a North Face Denali fleece and shell; I had the fleece but really needed a waterproof shell. Hubs got a bad ass winter coat for Christmas, which he can't wear in weather over 30 degrees because he'll sweat. LOL

Now...if you click on the link to my shell and my fleece, you'll notice that they're men's. That's because I have NEVER been able to fit into any women's clothing from The North Face. I always used to blame the size of my boobs (which are big), but that was just another excuse I made for being too fat. (Note: I do buy North Face pants in men's sizes, but that really is because the women's aren't long enough unless I can find talls, which I swear don't exist. I've got an almost 34-inch inseam - it's a blessing and a curse.) The problem with men's styles of North Face tops and coats is that, well...they're masculine. So it kind of sucks.


Since it was raining here today, Hubs and I made it our shopping day. We bought some great North Face Gore-Tex pants for snow hiking, but it took Hubs a considerably longer amount of time to find his because he's worse than a woman when he shops. In the meantime, I wandered over to the women's section just for shits and giggles. I caught a glance of a gorgeous jacket...extra large. It looked awfully big, and I thought to myself, That looks like it would fit. However, I've had that thought before and it's betrayed me, so I can't say I was feeling too confident.

I looked around for Hubs but he was nowhere to be found. He obviously was trying on his eighth pair of pants. ;) I felt like I had a little time, so I set down my purse and took off my men's North Face jacket. I made sure no one was looking - I certainly didn't want anyone to witness me trying to squeeze my arm into a tight little armhole, or battling with a zipper that just wasn't going to go up past my boob line (not thanks to my boob size...more like thanks to my back fat). When I was satisfied that there were no recon missions underway, I quietly slipped on the jacket...

...and zipped it right up to my neck.

Let me tell you something...I REJOICED. Inside I did a happy dance that I hadn't done in a long time. When Hubs got out of the dressing room I told him what happened. Ladies, if I ever die in a fiery car crash, track down my husband, because he is a GOOD man. He is the most supportive, most beautiful human being this world has ever seen. He asked if I wanted to get one next month, and I said no, that I still wanted to lose about 35 pounds (probably 45 after this trip). So he said that when I hit my goal, or whatever weight I'm comfortable with, that he will take my North Face fleece and shell for himself (he wanted a new one of both anyway), and I can get a new one of both. Never mind that it's a $700 combination. Hubs will let me get one anyway, because he is amazing.

I could fit into a women's North Face Jacket. THAT is victory.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Shout-Out! (Pay Attention, Guys!)

You all need to head on over to Monica's blog and check it out! She's got a really fun place over there with lots of food ideas, product reviews, and giveaways. Please visit her today! She was kind enough to check me out over here in my lonely glory... ;) So return the favor!

Damn You, Universe!

I still haven't used our shiny new treadmill. :( And I'm really not making excuses. I had an appointment with my allergist yesterday and realized that my asthma is making me crazy because I have a raging sinus infection. Good times, no? I'm definitely feeling better thanks to some antibiotics, but my lungs are still a bit angry with me. (Post-nasal drip. YUM.) I'd rather keep them calm and quiet, and exercise would throw that right out the window. It just means that I have to watch my calories extra-closely.

I was super proud of myself today because I had lunch with some of my colleagues at an Asian restuarant. Now...I LOVE Asian food - the crispier and oilier the better. But today I opted for steamed brown rice (ate 2/3 of a cup), steamed broccoli and snap peas, and about 3 oz of steamed tofu. I drizzled on some soy sauce and went right into Chinese heaven. :) It was delicious! Can't say it was completely satisfying though, and I kind of wished I'd had a bit more rice. But I ended up having a banana on my commute home which filled me nicely.

Breakfast was my "regular"; lately I've been doing coffee with Splenda and 2/3 Tbsp. organic half and half, Ezekiel toast with almond butter (and 1 Tbsp. of honey today for fun!), a container of non-fat Fage, and 1/4 cup of blueberries. Scrummy. :)

Dinner was 1/4 cup steel-cut oats with the following mix-ins: 1/2 medium banana, 1 Tbsp. organic almond butter, and 1 Tbsp. milk chocolate chips (for fun again!). I also had a handful of Doritos while the oatmeal was cooking. Bad girl!

Total calories today were 1374. About 100 higher than I'd like, but life goes on. Next time maybe I'll skip the Doritos and the honey...but not the chocolate chips. ;)

Weigh-in is coming up on Thursday. My fingers are crossed!

Saturday, December 19, 2009


Why am I posting like a lunatic today? Because it's a Saturday, and Hubs and I are snowed in. Hooray for blizzard-like conditions!

I did indeed have my delicious sandwich for lunch. Holy wow, why didn't I think of that sooner? I can thank Kath for that idea. I can also thank her for the idea to roast a butternut squash! (No, I didn't think of it sooner myself. I don't know why...don't ask.)

Here's the thing. Hubs is generally kind of hateful about vegetables. I was never a big fan of them either, but I'm learning to like them more and to fit them in my diet whether I want them or not. I've been working my way through Kath's blog from her first post ever and kept reading all this stuff about butternut squash being so good. I vaguely remembered Hubs and I having it as a side at a restaurant once, and I thought I remembered it being sweet. So it seemed to me that Hubs would at least give it a go if I roasted one with a little whipped butter and brown sugar.

I had no idea what I was doing, of course. The squash, after I halved it, was very unstable. That's because I cut it all crooked. But I tried to kind of shave it down so that it would set nicely face-down on the baking sheet. LOL I put about a half inch of water in the baking sheet and just stuck it in the oven for 45 minutes at 400*. Then I stuck some butter and brown sugar in the little butternut cave and roasted face-up (obviously) for 5 more minutes.

Can I just tell you something?

It was WICKED good. Hubs scraped that little squash down to its nothings trying to get every little bit out of there. For 200 calories I can't think of a better snack! Loved it.

Dinner was steel cut oats with 1/2 banana, 1 Tbsp. chocolate chips, and 1 Tbsp. almond butter for me. Hubs had his with some brown sugar. He never had steel cut oats before...he gets funny about so-called "weird" foods. But when I explained to him that his instant oatmeal was just processed-numerous-times oats, he was willing to try the steel cut. The first thing he said was, "Did you put butter in here? It's really good."

Exactly, Hubs. Exactly. And there was no butter, dear.

See you tomorrow!

You should...

...go over to Kath Eats Real Food right this minute for amazing recipes, inspiration, and how to make good, nutritious food choices every day...including those days when life hands us special occasions and tricky situations. Wonderful!!! :D

Last Night

Okay...last night wasn't awful, but it wasn't wonderful.

First, I had about 600 calories left over when we got to our friends' house. The wife asked what we wanted for dinner, and I just requested something healthy. Well, I'll tell you...it was healthy, and it was amazing!

First, we had a salad with mixed greens, zucchini, grape tomatoes, and little mini fresh mozzarella balls. There was a choice of Caesar dressing or balsamic vinegar and olive oil, so I chose the latter and was heavier on the vinegar. Then we had butternut squash soup...holy YUM! She said it was just squash, carrots, chicken stock, and 1 tbsp of butter for 9 cups of soup. I estimate that I had about a cup and a half, so not bad. It was amazing!

The main course was ridiculously good. Whole wheat rotini pasta, with roasted grape tomatoes, zucchini, and green beans. She tossed it all in only a little bit of olive oil and then added some fresh parmigiano-reggiano cheese before throwing it in the oven for 5 more minutes. It was SO YUMMY. The problem was that I had about a cup and a half of this...the bigger problem is that I was full after about a cup, but I didn't stop eating because I didn't want to be rude. That's terrible...I should've just put my fork down. By the time I finished I was uncomfortably full.

I also had a very small piece of rosemary sourdough bread and about 6 oz. of homemade sangria. The sangria was like heaven... Our friend kept saying, "Really, this should be considered a health drink!" The whole mixture had a bottle of red wine, 1/2 cup triple sec, 1/2 cup brandy, 2 cups of pomegranate juice, plus some apples, grapes, oranges, and pomegranate seeds floating around. I could see her point of the health drink thing - antioxidants, the health benefits of red wine, all of that fruit...I'm on board with that! ;)

Dessert was a holy disaster. This was our task for the night, and totally ignoring the promise I made to myself of getting things I didn't care for, I bought 4 cannolis and a chocolate truffle cake! Oh, for the love of GOD. I had half a cannoli, a piece of cake (decent sized, but not enormous), and the cake icing that Hubs' left behind. I felt extremely gross after all of that and was kind of disappointed that I'd eaten so much.

Today is a new day though, and all is well. :) I had about 10 ounces of coffee early this morning and just finished a container of nonfat Fage yogurt with 1/4 cup of blueberries for a grand total of 130 calories this morning. Lunch is a salmon, avocado, and spinach sandwich on Ezekiel bread. Maybe oatmeal for dinner.

And on the exercise front, Hubs is putting the treadmill together as I type! The only problem with starting my exercise today is that my asthma has been giving me a LOT of trouble since yesterday, so I may have to push the start of my C25K to tomorrow. But it's not because I don't want to do it...it's because I don't want to die.

Happy Saturday!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Official Friday Weigh-In

I'm sitting here breathing a sigh of relief!

I didn't have to go out for dinner last night, which was really fortunate. Because while I could have easily stuck with fish and vegetables, I would have had a hard time resisting a shared dessert or a second glass of wine. I know myself, and I know not to lie to myself, and I know those things would have been difficult for me. But I got out of it, so it doesn't matter! Dinner last night was Muir Glen Chicken Tortilla soup - 260 calories for the entire can!

We're going to our friends' house for dinner tonight, and that might prove to be a challenge. I've decided that I'm not going to get there starving...though with a dinner time of around 8 PM, I don't know how I'll manage that. I ate a late breakfast today (steel cut oats, 1 tbsp. almond butter, 1/2 banana, and a tbsp of chocolate chips for 363 calories) so hopefully that means my lunch will be much later too. Then I can have a yogurt or something before we go. Hubs and I have been tasked with bringing dessert, so I'm going to pick two things - one that I don't care for at all, and one that I could do with or without. That means I'll only have a few bites of Hubs' and I won't feel compelled to take my own. It's a good strategy, or at least as good as it's going to get.

I told Hubs there will be no cheat meal this weekend. If we go out, I'm going to have to suck it up and get something healthy. I had my cheat meal already on Wednesday, and it was QUITE a cheat. So...I'm done with that until Christmas Eve.

Can I still meet my mini-goal by Christmas Eve? Not sure, but I'm going to damn well try.

Oh! The numbers for today...


Current weight: 229.6 (A loss since last Friday. Sweet!)

High Weight: 298.2

Goal Weight: 190

Mini-Goal Weight: 224 lbs (by Christmas Eve)

Total Lost: 68.6


I won't complain. Now I have to work hard until Christmas Eve.


(Oh...Hubs and I got our treadmill yesterday! I'll be starting the Couch to 5K program tomorrow morning. Exciting!)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

God Help Me...

Dear Lord...I have to hydrate and restrict tomorrow in a big way.

Today was a special day for me. My dad, who was technically my stepdad, officially adopted me today! Why did it take so long? Well, Bio-Dad wouldn't relinquish his parental rights many years ago when we asked the first time, and then as the years went by my dad and I forgot about it. I guess because he was always Dad, so a piece of paper didn't make a difference. But a few months ago, it occured to me that I didn't need Bio-Dad to give his blessing; as an adult, I was able to make the decision on my own. And so it goes that my dad adopted me today, and I'm thrilled. And so is he. :D

After the adoption, he took us all out for dinner. I decided to make tonight my cheat meal because I knew we were going to a place that has the best burgers ever, and I wanted one! I had an awesome burger with guacamole, onions, lettuce, and tomato; I asked them to hold the cheese, mayo, and bacon. I also had a few French fries and shared a brownie sundae with my sister. Earlier in the day I had two pieces of Ezekiel bread with 1 Tbsp. almond butter (250 cals), coffee (50 cals), half of a Kashi cereal bar for a snack (55 cals), and Amy's No Chicken Noodle soup for lunch (180 cals). So I had quite a few calories left over for dinner. Not enough to keep me on track for the day, but still not bad.

If I just left it there, I would have been fine.

Instead, I came home and had 3 homemade chocolate chip cookies (200 cals), a brownie from Starbucks (probably 400 cals), and like 3 f*cking servings of Doritos (450 cals). Let's not talk about how badly I messed up today, but let's not forget this when I don't hit my mini-goal by Christmas Eve. All my fault.

Tomorrow is dinner and drinks with my girlfriend, but the fact that I'm on call saves me. I can only have one glass of wine then, and I fully intend on ordering steamed fish and steamed veggies for dinner, period. Friday night is dinner with Hubs and our friend and his wife. Our friend's wife is cooking - so far I know there will be butternut squash soup. She asked what we wanted and I requested something healthy. I know I'll have a few drinks that night, but I'm skipping dessert except for maybe two or three bites of Hubs'.

I won't be able to weigh myself Friday morning because I'll be staying at my girlfriend's house Thursday night to be close to the hospital for call (our house is 90 miles north of the hospital!). I won't weigh myself Saturday after the night out with our friends... Perhaps I'll just weigh in on Christmas Eve day. We shall see.


Friday, December 11, 2009

Just a Quick Thought...

...I DO love the Hungry Girl cookbook. But man...those recipes sure do call for a lot of processed, unnatural foods.

I find myself replacing some of the nastier ingredients with regular, more natural versions. For example, a few of her recipes call for sugar-free syrup. Do yourself a favor and NEVER eat that. Or at least look at the ingredient list if you're thinking of it. Maple syrup should have maple syrup in it...period. Sugar-free syrup has like 10 ingredients, and not one of them is syrup.

The things I make from that book I've been trying to make as naturally/organically as possible, even if it does raise the calories a bit. Fat-free cheese = CHEMICALS. Go for full-fat and use less.

It was all really exciting in the beginning, and I'm still really glad we got the book, but there are some things I'll NEVER be making.

That's all. Just a quick thought!

Tricky Official Weigh-In!

All right, so I figured out why the scale wouldn't budge this week. I got my period this morning. Hallelujah! That explains a lot. Oh, and if it seems like I just had my period? That's because I did. LOL I got the Mirena IUD last month and apparently I'm a bit irregular, but not too bad. Let me just sing Mirena's praises for a moment: My period is lighter already, and I barely have any cramps. I know I've only had it in for a month, but it's not in my head. When I have cramps, I HURT. Today I'm doing well! Anyway, my period also explains why I've been so emotionally sensitive the past few days, but we won't get into that here. LOL

Okay, so why was my weigh-in tricky? Well, I always get on the scale 3 times for accuracy. This morning my weights were: 232.2, 230, 227.6. After 3 completely different weights, I got on again - 228. So it's possible that I'm in the 220s, but I'm making 232.2 my official weight today. And that's okay, because it's down 1.4 from last week! With my period. Not bad.

I made Hubs chocolate chip cookies this morning. Allow me to gloat - my chocolate chip cookies are amazing. They really are. I had 3 small ones. :P But I put them in for my calories today, counted them as my breakfast, and eventually when I get hungry for something (12:34 PM and the cookies are still holding me!) I'll have some non-fat greek yogurt with 1/3 cup of blueberries and 1/2 Tbsp. of Nature's Promise strawberry jam. Nature's Promise is the organic/all-natural store brand at one of the grocery stores here. I know it's only the store brand, but they're all really great products! The jam is USDA organic and 45 calories per tablespoon. I had this yesterday in my yogurt because we ran out of blueberries. I had a whole tablespoon yesterday since I had no other fruit, and it was really delicious! I stopped and got more berries after work yesterday, so today I cut it town to 1/2 Tbsp. of jam and kept the 1/3 cup of blueberries. (Yay for superfoods!) I'm excited to taste it later!

So anyway...that's all for today, folks. Number time!


Current Weight: 232.2

High Weight: 298.2

Mini-Goal Weight (by 12/24): 224

Goal Weight: 190

Total Lost: 66 lbs.

I'll take it. ;) Have a great weekend!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Honestly? REALLY?

Okay...seriously? WTF.

Hubs and I decided to have dinner together at the diner tonight. That may sound Whiskey Tango and wrong, but it's really not. Diners are great places to eat when you're watching your calories. Egg white omelettes with tons of veggies? Count me in. So I was excited when I asked the waiter what came in their Spanish omelette and he answered, "Peppers, onions, salsa, and cheese."

I told him that sounded great, just hold the cheese, and please make it with egg whites. I also ordered a side of whole wheat toast and planned on eating the home fries that came with the eggs. (They're baked, not fried.)

Imagine my surprise when my plate came out looking like a goddamned murder scene. The egg whites were beautiful and fluffy, the home fries were nice and crispy...

...and there was vegetable soup poured all over my egg whites.

Waiter? Hi. That's not peppers, onions, and salsa. That, my Spanish friend, is vegetable soup. And that is f*cking disgusting.

But I was nice. I called him over.

"Listen...this isn't your fault. I thought the vegetables were going to be fresh and in the omelette. This? This is the most unappetizing thing I've ever seen in my life. Let's try again and just do an egg white omelette with peppers, onions, and mushrooms. Please."

So Dinner 2.0 was lovely. But Hubs has already made the decision that we'll never return to the Soupy Egg Diner.

Weigh-in tomorrow! Stay tuned...I'm not feeling hopeful. Despite staying at my calorie limit every day this week, the scale is not budging. Ugh.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Why, Satan? WHY?!

I enjoyed the presence of potato chips in this world a LOT more when I wasn't counting calories.

Not even just potato chips - ANY kind of chips. Tonight, to be specific, it's riceworks Sweet Chili brown rice chips. Oh my God, please...these are so delicious and so wrong. They are so strongly seasoned and just make my mouth all tight and burn-y (salt and spices, respectively). They are hideously addictive, and though there is no MSG listed in the ingredients, they do contained hydrolyzed soy and/or corn protein which has free glutamate - may as well just be MSG. Perhaps this is why I am like a starving bear at a campsite when I open the bag. And why do I even open the bag to begin with? Goooood question. I scarfed down 2 servings today - only 20 chips for a crazy 280 calories. I could have had 4+ bowls of pumpkin for that.

I did add them into my calorie limit for the day, which sucks even though I know I have to do it. I could have had much better food for all of those calories. I'm still only at a total of 1335 for the day, but that's not the point. The point is that, for some reason, I'm having trouble controlling myself lately. If I want to hit my mini-goal by Christmas I'm going to have to start working a lot harder.


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Polish Love

Sooo...here was today's problem (she says, making an excuse for her behavior).

Hubs and I had a BIG shopping day today. We went to Cabela's in Hamburg, PA, and did a ton of purchasing - some for ourselves, some for others. Prior to this we had breakfast, which was a whopping 676 calories for me. I had a coffee, one piece of bacon, 1 oz. of ham, one mini turkey sausage patty, one biscuit with cinnamon and sugar, some homefries, and 3/4 cup of Egg Beaters. Now...I knew this was going to be a lot, but I was okay with that. I knew we were going to be really busy this morning. I also knew that this breakfast would hold me past lunch, and that I could get away with a small snack and dinner this evening. The problem? The problem was when Hubs reminded me that there was an authentic Polish deli we've been wanting to try. Authentic pierogies? See...you gotta count me in for that. I don't know how to say no to little pouches of potato lovingly formed by the hands of an old Polish woman. (Seriously, they were.) Oh, and they also had ridiculously good-looking stuffed cabbage. So lunch was 6 pierogies and a 5-oz. piece of stuffed cabbage. That was a total of 650, which took me to a grand total of 1326 calories. By 1:30 PM. I told Hubs I was done for the day, it didn't matter if I was hungry later or not.

Well, it did matter, and I ate about 2 servings of Sweet Chili Brown Rice chips for 280 calories. Grand total of 1600, which is hideous.

It is now 5:20 PM, and I will be hungry again tonight. It's when I have a night like this that I want to say, "Meh, screw it. We'll start over tomorrow."

Unhealthy behavior, for sure.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Stick a Fork in Me...I'm Done

Oh, I SO am.

I had my cheat meal today, and I feel absolutely grotesque. Like seriously, I feel like there's a brick in my stomach. But let's start off with the good.

Because I knew I was going to be having a big dinner tonight, I tried to keep it down during the day. For breakfast I scrambled up 1/2 cup of Egg Beaters, 1/4 cup of sausage-style soy crumbles, and 1/8 cup of fat-free cheese. Then I stuffed it into an olive oil tortilla (90 calories) with about a tablespoon of salsa. It was so good and filling, and only 200 calories! Still more than my typical yogurt and fruit breakfast, but it was nice to have something different.

Lunch was Bumble Bee seafood salad and crackers for 150 calories. Totally processed and gross, I know. Please don't judge me. I also had a package of chocolate peanut butter cupcakes for an extra 180.

Later for a snack I had 3 squares of Green & Black's 85% dark chocolate for 70 calories.

Not terrible, right?

Well, dinner was just disgusting. Hubs and I shared a mini onion blossom, which is about as nasty as you can get. We didn't eat the whole thing - go us. I also had a dinner roll with butter before our meals came out. My dinner was pork loin, a side of steamed broccoli, and a very small serving of french fries, of which I only ate half. That concluded dinner, and I could've lived with that.

After dinner we went to Barnes and Noble. From the Starbucks in there I ordered a light Caramel Frappuccino (130 calories) and was debating on what snack I was going to get (as if I needed it). My eyes kept going to the Godiva Double Chocolate cheesecake, but I kept talking myself out of it. That is just WAY too many calories and a heinous amount of fat. I had instead mentally chosen an oatmeal raisin cookie, which I would have left half of for Hubs. But leave it to me to be an idiot...as soon as it was my turn to order, I blurted out, "Godiva cheesecake, please."

It was heavenly. No...it really was. Delicious. But I try to be honest with myself most of the time, and honestly I don't know that it was worth my calories. I mean, it was great...but I bet I could've gotten satisfied by something else. Ah well. Lesson learned.

About 2 hours after Hubs and I got home, I ate some Sweet Chili Brown Rice Chips. They were Le Yum, but now I hate myself. Getting back on the wagon will feel good tomorrow.

Yuck. Goodnight.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Whew!!! (Official Friday Weigh-In)

Gosh...that was a close one. Allow me to tell you the story.

After NYC last weekend, I weighed 244 pounds. Oh yes...you read that right. And that's why I wouldn't dare give you my number last time I wrote. Have no fear, folks, for today I am back down to 233.6!!! So, okay...no real loss since Thanksgiving. But Christ on a bike, at least I'm not in the 240s again. Obviously there was a lot of water retention, so I've been staying away from salty foods all week and drinking a LOT of water. Plus I don't think I went over 1300 calories any day this week. Let me thank God for small miracles and a bit of willpower when I needed it.

So, let's talk about today.

Breakfast: Container of plain, non-fat Fage yogurt, 1/3 cup blueberries, coffee with 2 tbsp. organic half and half

Lunch: Clif Builder's bar in peanut butter - I had to eat in my car, and this was DELICIOUS!!!

Dinner: Hungry Girl Mexi-Tato

Snacks: apple, Light Babybel cheese, Hungry Girl brownie muffin, organic tortilla chips, one slice of near-cheeseless, thin crust veggie pizza

That's a total of 1315 calories today. Great! :D But lest it sound like I did a great job, I will admit that the entire serving of organic tortilla chips was eaten while I was standing up, with the pantry door still open. Some things never change, but I'm trying. Hey, at least I limited it to one serving.

And now for today's numbers...


Current Weight: 233.6

High Weight: 298.2

Mini-Goal Weight (NEW FEATURE! ;) ): 224 by December 24th

Goal Weight: 190

Total Lost: 64.6


Current BMI: 34.5

High BMI: 42.5

Happy weekend, all!!! :D

Monday, November 30, 2009

Holy COW!

No, literally. LOL

My fun little food vacation came to an end today, and it's been a good day. :) I had an apple and a Light Babybel cheese for breakfast, one of my yummy black bean burger tortilla wraps for lunch, a Hungry Girl Brownie Muffin for a snack, and a Hungry Girl Mexi-Tato for dinner. Yum! Plus there's been adequate hydration with over two liters of water. Oh, and I finally pooped. Sorry if that's too much. LOL

Okay, so now on to the bad stuff...eeeek!

So, Thanksgiving was a bit of a problem, of course. I ate too many pieces of cheese with crackers, too much stuffing, and too much dessert. Friday was supposed to be an "on the wagon" day but the leftovers were too tempting. I justified it to myself by saying to Hubs, "Well really, if we're going to New York City this weekend, I don't know that it would make much difference for me to eat well today." I said this as I popped an Oreo truffle in my mouth and then loaded up a plate with turkey, stuffing, and broccoli casserole. Broccoli casserole, by the way, is delicious and disgusting at the same time. It's made with Velveeta...have you ever actually touched Velveeta? Oh my God, it's got the grossest texture ever. But when it gets all melty and mixed with buttery Ritz crackers I can't resist. I know, I'm gross too, especially because Hubs and I try to eat natural/organic foods as often as possible. Let's not think about the chemicals and preservatives.

New York City was a total bust. Lunch was a chicken quesadilla...not horrible. But dinner was a VERY thick, very cheesy shrimp and scallop risotto. Oh, and we stopped at Magnolia Bakery and got some scrummy treats. Hubs and I each got a red velvet cupcake (which we ate before lunch), and for after-dinner I got a red velvet cheesecake and Hubs got a caramel pecan cheesecake. I will say this - they were worth the calories! We also got sugary, roasted cashews from a street vendor, and we split a street vendor hot dog at some point. Oy ve.

Sunday was supposed to be my return to the wagon, but you see that it turned into today. Why? Because I had half of my $30 risotto left over and wasn't going to toss it. Oh, and because we stopped for breakfast on the way home and I desperately wanted the breakfast that came with cinnamon sugar biscuits. What can I say? I'm a mess.

I got on the scale this morning because I'm a glutton for punishment. I won't dare tell you what it said, but I'm hoping that it looks a little better by Friday. ;)

That's what I get!

Friday, November 27, 2009

VERY Mini Hiatus

Mini, like until Sunday!

Hubs and I have been busy the past few days with Thanksgiving, and this weekend we'll be spending some time in New York City. I should mention that there has been no healthy eating yesterday, today, nor will there be tomorrow. But on Sunday morning when we get home, I'm back on the wagon. And THAT'S why I'm not weighing in until Friday. ;)

Enjoy the weekend!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Mama's Angry

Oh, she is.

Why is Mama angry? I'll tell you. My fat ass got on the scale yesterday to see a lovely weight of 237. Oh, I was pissed. Because other than my cheat meal on Friday, I have been on plan like it's my job. And yeah, the cheat meal was a big one, but...4 pounds worth? No. And I hydrated the day before yesterday like crazy and stuck to plan completely, taking in less than 1350 calories that day. So when I saw those numbers, I almost shit a brick. (Which would have made me weigh less. Hmmm. An idea for next time.)

Both Hubs and my sister said, "Why did you weigh yourself? You don't weigh-in until Friday!" Yeah, I know...but I'd been doing so well, and I felt SO good when I woke up that I actually really wanted to get on the scale. I thought I'd see something good for sure. Oh, imagine my horror. And with Thanksgiving coming up and a weekend in New York City right after that with Hubs, I'm simultaneously disgusted and terrified.

So what will I do? I will avoid. I will avoid the scale like the plague. Hubs and my sister both told me not to weigh-in until next Friday, December 4th. I may do that, or I may get on the scale Thanksgiving morning to stay accountable (I won't get on the day after Thankgiving). I know I won't see a huge drop, if I even see anything, but at least I won't feel bad for staying off the scale for almost a full 2 weeks. I don't know...I'll think about it. I'll have to decide which will be less psychologically damaging.

In other news, I have become ADDICTED to canned pumpkin. I caught myself eating it out of the can yesterday with a little Splenda and cinnamon. I seriously ate about 1/2 of a cup of pumpkin that way, and yes, I added it into my calories for the day. A whopping 40, by the way. But I've been making oatmeal with it, using it in my Hungry Girl Brownie Muffins, and tonight I'm making a Hungry Girl recipe for pumpkin crunchers. I. LOVE. PUMPKIN. So imagine my dismay when I got a Hungry Girl e-mail today telling me that, because of heavy rains, Libby's will stop harvesting pumpkin this year! Oh...I CANNOT risk missing out on pumpkin until next year's harvest. Not now...it's too important to me. So what did I do? I ordered 12 29 oz. cans online today. Yep...348 ounces of pumpkin, coming to my house in just a short week or two. Color me freakin' EXCITED. :)

Almost makes me forget about my hideous weight. Wheeee!


Tonight for dinner? A Hungry Girl Mexi-Tato (277 calories). And I'm baking Hubs some blueberry scones and making myself pumpkin crunchers. Hungry Girl = AWESOME.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Hungry Girl - GENIUS!

Oh my God, can I tell you how freaking in love I am with the Hungry Girl cookbook right now? Can I tell you how much I am salivating over the Yum Yum Brownie Muffins I made that are sitting in the kitchen? Or how awesome our dinner was tonight, in the form of a "Meaty" Thin Crust Pizza? Do you know if you go to www.hungry-girl.com/books you can see pictures of all of her recipes? And even though you can do that, I really wanted to share a picture of the Brownie Muffins, because seriously...they're STUPID GOOD. I can't give away the recipe because it's not mine to give away, but I will tell you that the secret ingredient makes them WICKED moist and VERY rich. And they're only 181 calories per muffin. Come on, now...tell me that's not the food of the damn gods.

Oh! Friday weigh-in. Well, it actually went pretty well! It's that time of the month for me, and even with that I was at 233.2, so I had a loss of 0.6. Nothing phenomenal, but considering the fact that my rings were tight that morning I was really expecting to see a gain. I ate very well last week, so I'm confident that it was just because of my period. I typically see a 3-pound gain when it comes around.

Friday was my cheat meal and it was LE YUM. My sister and I went shopping that morning and then had an amazing lunch! Pizza and cheese fries...that's right...plus ice cream from a crazy good dairy by my parents house. And not just ice cream - I had peanut butter brownie ice cream with hot fudge, peanut butter, and whipped cream. Oh, I enjoyed my cheat meal. And it ended up being my only real meal of the day because I was STUFFED! I had a Clif Z bar for breakfast (120 calories), and came home and had one of the Brownie Muffins. That was it! And when I weighed myself this morning I was the same, so I think even the sodium didn't get me too badly.

I'm going to keep this post a little short. National Novel Writing Month is coming to a close, and I have to get about 6,000 more words out. Soooooo....let's just end with the numbers!

Current Weight: 233.2

High Weight: 298.2

Goal Weight: 190

Total Lost: 65

Have a good weekend! :D

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Donut? Why, yes, I'll have TWO!

Yeah, I ate a donut today.

It's actually the second day in a row that I ate a donut. Let me explain.

Yesterday the folks at work threw a party for me because I'm leaving the rotation site. There was pizza, pasta, oily salads, chicken wings...and thank you Jesus, there was turkey and celery sticks, which is what I ate for lunch. There was also sweet potato pie, which I didn't touch. (Thank you very much.) But one of the guys bought me three buttercream-filled donuts from an incredibly good bakery nearby; I'd never had anything from there, but this guy and several other people told me it would be the best donut I ever ate.

Who am I to argue, right?

So, I ate one. And you know, it was totally worth the calories and I didn't feel bad about it. I added the calorie amount (estimated at 330) into my Lose It! app on my iTouch and it was done with. I felt fine. I brought the other two donuts home and told Hubs they were all his. The three donuts were all different - they all had this awesome buttercream filling, but one was glazed, one was powdered, and one had chocolate on top. I ate the glazed one at the party, and Hubs took the powdered one for breakfast this morning. The chocolate one was left, and though it was calling my name a bit, I resisted it.

Today I got home early, so I baked Hubs and I some Hungry Girl Snazzy Blueberry Scones for dessert tonight - 125 calories each! I had to run some errands this afternoon but had one when I got home. They are SO delicious! Added into my calories and I was good.

So everything was going fine...until Hubs called and told me he was on his way home. I asked him how his donut was this morning and of course he said it was delicious. And then, of course, all I could think about was how delicious those donuts actually were. And wouldn't you know it? The chocolate one started SCREAMING to me. I thought about resisting it, but then I thought, "How often do I get donuts? Never. And this is the best donut in the world!"

And so I ate it. In all of its 330-calorie glory, I ATE IT. And I'm kind of angry with myself, but only because it brings me to 1391 calories for the day, which is about 100 more than I would have liked. That's including dinner, by the way - Hungry Girl Rockin' and Choppin' Taco Salad for 286 calories. So while it's not the worst thing in the world, it's not exactly something to be proud of.

But at least they're gone. (A fucking dysfunctional dieting mantra, I swear.)

In other news, I used to weigh myself every day. I thought I was doing myself a favor by keeping track, but really the fluctuations were driving me insane! So I vowed to only weigh myself twice a week, and so far I've been happy.


I got on the scale this morning and it said 236, and I almost shit a brick. Which is a nice segue into actually talking about shit, as in I hadn't done it in three days. Hubs gave me some herbal thing to take last night and I shat THREE TIMES over the course of the day. However...236 is disugsting considering I was 233.8 on Friday. So I was pissed. Yeah, I had a donut yesterday, but it wasn't a 7,000 calorie donut, causing me to gain 2 pounds. I couldn't understand it - I'd been eating well, drinking my water, all that good stuff. And I highly doubted that I had a 2-pound shit sitting in my intestines.

Good news though, disguised as a pain in my ass. My period came early...today! Ahhhh...my massive weight gain (hopefully) explained. I'm drinking water like a crazy person now because I don't want any nasty bloat affecting my weigh-in on Friday.

Ah well. The ups and downs. ;)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Quick Fun Something

Okay...I don't have time to write a whole entry right now, but I convinced Hubs to buy me the Hungry Girl cookbook yesterday during our Barnes and Noble outing. You have to understand something about me lest you think Hubs is miserly. I don't cook. EVER. I bake like Betty Crocker, but I can't do that as often anymore or else I'd never have lost weight! But really...I don't cook. So Hubs was a little suspect about the whole purchase, and I don't blame him. Before we left Barnes and Noble, I told him I was going to make dinner for him today - Loaded 'N Oated Veggie Pizza and Lord of the Onion Rings.

Those are not my pictures, of course. They were thieved from Google Images. But nonetheless, my food didn't look much different! And you know what? Hubs said it was delicious and he'd have it again. And so would I!

(And sorry for the weird placement of the pictures. I'm not adept at this yet. Hubs is a software developer and could totally fix my retardedness, but I try not to make him do work at home.)

The pizza has 231 calories, and an entire serving of onion rings has 153, but we split that. So we had a total of about 308 calories for a TON of food. Oh, and 19 grams of fiber! Can you believe that?! That's enormous. Right now, an hour later, my dinner is still keeping my (ever-shrinking) belly full.

Another thing I love about the Hungry Girl cookbook is that most of the recipes are for 1 or 2 people, although there are some for more. But it's nice because when you're only cooking for two, it sucks to make a big huge recipe.

Yay for Hungry Girl! My next endeavor will be the Snazzy Blueberry Scones - 125 calories each! Can't beat it. :) Oh, and for dinner...look at me, thinking of dessert first...we're going to do the Rockin' and Choppin' Taco Salad for 286 calories and 12 grams of fiber. Love this book. :D

Sunday, November 15, 2009

90/10 Rule Revisited

Okay folks, let's recap the weekend! My 90/10 rule becomes important here.

So, as I said on Friday, I thought Friday night was going to be my cheat meal but it actually fit well into my calories! Since there are no off-limit foods for me, a cheat meal for me is one that I know is going to go way over my calorie limit for the day. Yes, I allow myself one a week. (During bad weeks there are two. Don't judge me.) No, this doesn't trip me up in any way. I eat well all day until that meal, and then I'm right back on course the next day. I've been losing an average of 2-3 pounds per week doing this, so I see no reason to change it now. Maybe I'll have to in the future, but for now I feel good about it.

What do I feel is over my calorie limit? Well, if I consume more than 1500 calories a day I consider it a bad day. I almost always stay between 1300-1400, occasionally having a little more or a little less. But the 1500-calorie mark is pretty much my limit.

So anyway...Friday was NOT a cheat meal. Yesterday I had a crazy busy day, and by the time dinner rolled around I'd only had about 700 calories! Hubs and I went out for dinner, but I ordered an egg white omelette with peppers, onions, and mushrooms (80 calories), bacon (150 calories), and wheat toast (just one slice, about 100 calories.) So yesterday was a success!

Today was my cheat meal, and it was great. :D This morning I had yogurt and fruit for breakfast, one of my yummy wraps for lunch (mentioned here), and that was it. Hubs and I then went to Barnes and Noble where I had about 3 bites of his red velvet cupcake, which was SO worth the calories! Yum.

For dinner we went to Texas Roadhouse. It's not too difficult to eat healthy there, but sometimes I don't feel like it! But I still made some good choices. I had about 6 ounces of pork loin, a side salad with Romaine, tomatoes, and egg (no cheese or croutons, fork dipped in Thousand Island dressing on the side, maybe 4 times total...I used like 1/4 of an ounce), and French fries. I also shared a Baby Blossom with Hubs, which is like a mini fried onion thing. Healthy? No. Do I feel bad? Definitely not. Why? Because it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. If I get back on track tomorrow, which I will, there won't be any problem come weigh-in day. So I'm not sweating it at all, quite frankly, and that's really liberating.

But here's the thing with the 90/10 rule. If you're going to use it, you need to be HONEST with yourself. If you're going over your calories every day by adding in a "cheat" item, then that's not 10% of the time. For me, 10% is once or twice a week. Any more than that and it's no longer 10%, and if the scale shows it then I can't be pissed. There's no one to be angry with but myself when I don't lose or when I gain. But on the flip side, that also means that this awesome progress is no one else's victory but mine. I did all of this work. I am nurturing my body and being kind to it. No one else is putting forth that effort for me, so I'm the only one who gets the credit for it!

In exercise news, I'm still not carving specific time out in my day for it. You know how I feel about exercise. I've been telling Hubs and my sister that if I only had a treadmill, I'd be so much more inclined to exercise! We have a really nice elliptical...I've used it a few times, but I just don't care for the elliptical. Never did, either. Ask my sister - when we used to go to the gym together I could only get on it for like 10 minutes before hating it. I could happily run/walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes though. So anyway, Hubs told me last week that we're going to get a treadmill! I'm so stoked, I can't wait. :D Hubs is so awesome.

On the subject of Hubs being awesome, I asked him on Friday if I could get a boob lift. When you're a 38 DD and lose 60 pounds, things...droop a little. He said, "You can do whatever you want to them, just don't make them smaller." ;) Men. But anyway, that's so great for me! When I hit my goal, maybe that's just what I'll do.

Okay, enough writing for tonight. This week I promise to address the subjects I touched on last week (vegetables, lies, and whatever else I'm forgetting about.)

Good luck this week! :D

Friday, November 13, 2009


Okay, folks. Today's weigh in? 233.8. That's 1.2 down from last Friday! :) I'm totally stoked. And I've decided to make Friday my Official Weigh-In day for reasons discussed here.

Today I was going to talk about fruits and vegetables, and I also wanted to touch on the lies that we tell ourselves when we're overweight and dieting...but I'm just too exhausted. I'm sorry, but I can't do it. :(

Quick run down of my food today. Fage and raspberries again for breakfast, a Kashi Chocolate Peanut Butter Go Lean bar (not terrible but not perfect...I'll talk about that at a different time) for lunch, an apple, a Light Babybel cheese, and a mini Clif bar for snacks. Dinner? Cheat meal: 3 Pizza Hut breadsticks and 3 SMALL pieces of pizza - thin crust, NO cheese. Total calories for the day, counting my cheat meal? 1491. 1491!!! WITH a cheat meal! I don't feel terribly guilty now.

Okay...more tomorrow, I promise. Too tired tonight...


The Numbers

Current Weight: 233.8

High Weight: 298.2

Total Loss: 64.4


Holla!!!! :D

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Not Being An Idiot...

...when it comes to food choices, I mean.

I noticed something very cool yesterday when I was at the grocery store. My eating habits have changed SO much, and not just from before I started eating healthy to after. Even during this whole process things have changed for me. I had my epiphany in the grocery store because I was buying yogurt. Let me explain.

There I was, buying Fage 0% Fat plain greek yogurt, and that's when my cool little realization occured. When I first changed my habits back in May, I was eating the organic equivalent of Pop Tarts for breakfast. Organic sugar, good for me. But there was no fruit (brown sugar and cinnamon flavor, thank you very much), a dismal amount of protein, and no fiber. Oh, and TONS of sugar...organic or not, it doesn't matter when you're eating like 36 grams of it. And 420 calories, for those of you counting. Eventually I got tired of wasting so many calories and stopped eating them.

Then I graduated to Stonyfield Farm non-fat fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt - delicious stuff, didn't even taste fat-free. Then one day I decided to look at the sugar and protein content, in that order. My reaction was, "Wow, look how much! Wow, look how little." Why was I eating that damn yogurt? A great source of calcium and healthy bacteria for sure, but it wasn't keeping me full, and isn't that kind of the whole point? I needed to do something different, a fact that was cemented when I once read in an Eat This, Not That book that some varieties of Stonyfield Farm yogurt contained an alarming amount of sugar.

I'd heard the raves about Greek yogurt and how good it was for you, and how much protein it had, and all that good stuff. So I tried it - Chobani Non-Fat Greek Yogurt, fruit-on-the-bottom. It was good! Really good. I loved the thicker texture, and it absolutely kept me fuller than regular yogurt. Must have been the 14 grams of protein it had. (Seriously, that's impressive.) But it had 17 grams of sugar and not too much fiber, and I knew I could do better than that. Well, eventually - it took me like 3 months to have my "A-ha!" moment regarding the yogurt.

Hubs and I have regular dinner dates and go to Barnes and Noble afterwards because we're dorks. We could sit in the cafe for hours and look at stacks of books. It was on one of those date nights that I came across something - a book, a magazine article, something - that pointed out how much sugar fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt has and how you'd be surprised at how little fruit you're actually getting. This makes perfect sense, of course, but many things make perfect sense that didn't hit us before. I love those "ton of bricks" moments.

So what did I do yesterday? I bought the Fage greek yogurt and a container of fresh organic raspberries. Fabulous! So much less sugar (only 7 grams in the yogurt plus whatever 1/3 cup of raspberries added) and more fiber thanks to the fresh fruit. I threw in a packet of Splenda With Fiber and let me tell you...it was SO GOOD. The yogurt was wicked creamy because it wasn't watered down by the fruit syrup, and the raspberries were so big and yummy. Beats some liquid-y, processed fruit laying on the bottom of the container, I can promise you that.

So anyway, back to my epiphany, which Hubs and I discussed on the phone this morning during our commutes. I used to eat 1000-calorie BK Lounge breakfasts and 1100-calorie Dunkin' Donut breakfasts. I regularly snacked on processed foods and all but skipped the perimeter of the grocery store unless I needed bread. Hubs and I ate out nearly every single night. There were days where I wouldn't touch a single vegetable or piece of fruit, where I wouldn't have even an ounce of dairy. (Oh wait...cheese on my BK Lounge sandwich. OF COURSE.) And here I am, 6 months later, eating plain Greek yogurt and going out of my way to get some fruits and vegetables in, even if I don't really like them. (Maybe we'll discuss that tomorrow.)

Very cool. And very different. And not a little strange.

Oh! And please let me share what I ate for lunch today, because it was so good that I think I'll dream about it. I took an oat flour and olive oil tortilla (90 calories), spread it with a 100-Calorie Snack Pack of Wholly Guacamole (so good and so natural), put a little handful of organic field greens and about a tablespoon of organic red pepper and garlic salsa on top. Then...for the pièce de résistance, I microwaved a Morningstar Farms Spicy Black Bean Burger (120 calories), cut it into strips and put that on for my protein. Please...I could cry right now. It was SO good, and with all of the protein from the black bean burger and the good fats from the olive oil and avocado, I feel like I'm going to stay full for a while. Again...one of the goals, right? And it was so easy! Prep was 5 minutes, tops!

Weigh-in tomorrow! I'm looking forward to it. :) Cheers!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Good Day!

It's a good day today and I feel awesome. :) My weigh-in this morning went well - 237.6, which is 2.8 down from last Tuesday! Of course, it is 2.6 up from Friday, but that could just be all of those damn potato chips showing. LOL But no worries, because my total for the week is still 2.8 and there's nothing wrong with that!

I finally let Hubs read my blog on Sunday night. You have to understand something - NO ONE knows my weight except for my sister and my doctor. (And now everyone who read this...LOL) Hubs was the last person I wanted to tell because I weigh more than him, for Christ's sake. He obviously knows I'm eating healthier and knows how much weight I've lost, he just never knew exact numbers. But I really felt like I wanted him to know...it felt wrong to me somehow to keep it from him. I know he understood, but it still didn't feel right to me. I was nervous as hell beause regardless of how beautiful he thinks I am, my number is still hideous. But, as usual, he was perfect and wonderful and supportive. His reaction was pretty much, "Who cares about the number? You look great!" And now he's in with me 100% on this journey, and I'm so happy I came clean. Looking back I realize how stupid I was...obviously he didn't assume that I weighed 150 if I lost 60 and wasn't withered away to nothing. LOL All it takes is some simple math to make you realize that I weighed a LOT, whether you knew my number or not.

One other thing I've been thinking about today, which is actually a bit disconcerting. (No, not that I was thinking...I mean what I was thinking about.) I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I've never binged on foods, and that's the honest truth. And I don't think I've been lying to myself, telling myself that, "Oh, that didn't really qualify as a binge...it wasn't that bad." I just really have never binged.

But oh...let me tell you something. Sometimes I think it would be fun. Sometimes I think it would be great to go to the grocery store, buy one package/bag/piece of every food I genuinely love, and eat it all with reckless abandon. I practically lust after the satiated feeling - satiated being synonymous with stuffed up to my eyes - the sugar, the fat, the tastes and textures. And I know that if I binged ONE DAY it wouldn't make an enormous difference a week later when I weighed myself.

I won't lie to you and tell you that I don't think about. I won't do it...but I think about it. And I can't believe I just said that out loud.

Anyway...LOL Today was good and controlled. Same breakfast of coffee and Greek yogurt; lunch was a Bumble Bee tuna lunch kit (fat-free tuna salad and crackers) for 150 calories, an apple, and a Light Babybel cheese. My snack in the afternoon was baby carrots and an Iced Gingerbread Clif bar. These are amazing, I promise you. Go forth and purchase!

Tonight before I met Hubs at his parents' for dinner I stopped at Borders for a while. I saw these ridiculously yummy-looking Ghirardelli peppermint bark squares - 60 calories a piece. I carried them around with me for a while and then was like, "What the HELL are you doing?" Talk about a bad decision...I'd eat like 3 of those at a time, and before I knew it I'd have consumed almost 200 calories. I put them back...screw THAT noise. Not a big deal, I know, but I was so excited that I passed them up! Dinner was delicious, roasted chicken, rice, and salad. My mother-in-law is awesome and always has diet-friendly stuff when we come over. I had half a homemade brownie for dessert, but it wasn't because I caved or anything. I wanted it...so I had it. And I didn't feel bad about it. My total calorie intake for the day was 1401. Not bad!

Also...**TMI ALERT!** I finally took a poo tonight! LOL I think it'd been 3 days. I'm supposed to be on iron supplements but I really just can't tolerate them. I always think it's in my head though, so I go a while without taking them and then try again. I've done this 4 times since June, and every time I do it, I can't take a crap. So...no more of that for me. LOL Lovely info!

For some non-weight loss news, I'm participating in National Novel Writing Month for the first time. I love it! It really holds me accountable to my writing, and I love that. After I write my 1,000 words tonight I'll have a total of 41,000. You only have to hit 50,000 for reach the "goal", but I'll have more words in my head than that, I can tell already. LOL But anyway, it's been a real success so far. I took off last night and didn't write anything, but I'm ahead so it's all right.

Let's look at the numbers!

Current weight: 237.6

High Weight: 298.2

Goal Weight: 190

Total Lost: 60.6


I'll be posting my BMI on a monthly basis since it won't change too much from week to week.

Here's to a successful week! Cheers! :)

Monday, November 9, 2009


Remember my talk about the 90/10 thing? I really believe in that. My weight loss is proof for me that if I eat supremely well 90% of the time, I can be a bit looser the other 10% of the time.

I know that not everyone feels that way. I think it either works for you or it doesn't. If incorporating Forbidden Foods into your diet triggers you to relapse, then it's safe to say you can't do it. But if you are able to have control even after the 10% of the time is over, I think it can be very useful. Because like you always hear, "It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle." And isn't that true? And hey, I'll admit that sometimes it's harder for me when I eat the Forbidden Foods...I find myself craving them more and more, and that just makes things more challenging for me. I never go out of control or, God forbid, binge, but it does get tougher. But I know that, and sometimes I accept the challenge because I really want something that's not normally on the menu for me.

I did pretty well today. Coffee with Splenda and organic half and half for my morning commute and a non-fat peach Greek yogurt for breakfast mid-morning; an Iced Pumpkin Pie Clif bar for lunch (because I was in my car) with a Light Babybel cheese and 14 baby carrots. Not bad, right? Pretty super. :)

Then I came home and saw THE CHIPS. Hubs bought these INCREDIBLY good sour cream and onion chips on Sunday morning, and I made the mistake of smelling them...LOL For the longest time I thought that I was only a sugar-craver, but one thing I learned when I started eating healthy was that I. CRAVE. SALT. Salt calls to me like a hooker calls to a man in the midst of a 20-year sex drought. I know I shouldn't be doing it, but damn...they're just so good. And it's weird, because I can absolutely have a piece of chocolate and not have another. But salty stuff? Just...NO.

So what did I do? Oh, I came home and ate the rest of the bag. LOL There were about 3 servings in there, so I scarfed down a cool 450 calories doing that, not to mention a disgusting amount of sodium. And you know what? I was mad at myself, and I still am. There's definitely something to be said for cutting yourself a little slack if you want to have something fabulous at a restaurant or for special occasions, but honestly...there's nothing fabulous about gross, preservative-filled chips! They had MSG in them, for crying out loud! LOL But what I'm NOT going to do is let that allow me to eat whatever I want for the rest of the day. I took responsibility (didn't eat them all and then pretend it didn't happen since no one saw) and added them to my total calorie count using the Lose It! app on my iTouch. Added to the other things I ate today, plus dinner which will be Amy's Tamale Verde (AMAZING...Hubs and I are huge fans), that takes me to 1303 calories for the day. Not terrible!!! However, I have to be honest with myself and anticipate...POSSIBLY...a VitaMuffin cranberry nut muffin after dinner for 100 calories. I am going to try to go without it, but if it calls to me I may give in. I don't want to eat some yucky crap at 11 PM when I can't get to sleep because I'm still thinking about that goddamn muffin. But that still puts me at only 1403 calories for the day, and there's nothing wrong with that!

You'll notice I don't exercise. LOL Yes, I've noticed that too. It's not because I'm incapable...Hubs and I summit mountains, for Christ's sake...it's because I just don't feel like it. It's as simple as that, really. I get home from work and I don't feel like it. I wake up at 4:30 AM and don't feel like waking up at 4 AM to get a workout in. It is what it is, and I've learned to accept it for now. Fortunately I don't have a sedentary lifestyle overall, so I've been okay.

Last thought: I'm thinking of changing my official weigh-in day from Tuesday to Friday. Why? Because given how huge my drops are on Fridays, I think I have a falsely high weight on Tuesday most likely secondary to water retention. When I lose 3 pounds from Tuesday to Friday, I know it's probably not "real" weight loss; similarly, if I gain 3 pounds from Friday to Tuesday, I know that I didn't eat an excess of 10,500 calories over the weekend to equal 3 pounds of "real" weight gain. Given all that weird water fluctuation, I think Friday weigh-ins might be more accurate.

Thoughts on this?

Weigh-in tomorrow! Cheers!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Weekend Woes

Ugh...so as much as I hate work, I need the weekend to end so that I can get back on track! (She says, as if the weekend was to blame.)

To be fair, this weekend was not nearly as bad as some that I've had in the past. And it's funny...despite the fact that I sometimes lose my way on the weekends, my weight loss doesn't seem to be hindered. No, that doesn't make it okay for me to eat like a gross pig, I'm just sayin'.

Hubs and I went out for our dinner Friday night, which I mentioned was my cheat meal. It was actually not that bad - for dinner I had pork loin, a salad with a teensy bit of dressing on the side, and French fries. The French fries were honestly my worst choice of the night, and I didn't eat them all. I also had a dinner roll, but stop judging me! And that was it...so not too bad.

Saturday was much less worse than it could have been. I was wicked on track all day, but then Hubs wanted to stop at White Castle for dinner on our way home from car shopping. He asked me if I wanted anything and I said no, which was true. But once he got them in the car, God almighty...that stuff is like manna from heaven. But I only had a bite of his slider and 4 or 5 French fries, and then I was done. When we got home, I skipped dinner and instead had about 2 cups of organic popcorn for about 160 calories. Not terrible.

Today was a little less easy. I started out well with a coffee and a mini Clif bar for breakfast (200 calories total). But then I totally gave into my salt craving...*sigh* I had - let's be honest here - about 3 servings of potato chips for 450 calories and a few pieces of beef jerky for abour 200 calories, which is so whiskey tango (read: white trash). Then Hubs and I went to Barnes and Noble and I had a soft pretzel (290 calories) and a double fudge cupcake (350 calories). Jesus! But at least I skipped the Caramel Light Frappuccino that I usually get (130 calories).

I swore I was going to eat NOTHING for the rest of the night, but all of those empty calories burned away and I was left really hungry. I made a smart choice for dinner and had an Amy's Breakfast Scramble Burrito with a little bit of salsa for about 350 calories total.

It's 6:30 PM now, and I am REALLY done eating whether my body likes it or not. I already packed a super healthy lunch and snacks for tomorrow, so I know it's going to be a good day. :) I really do.

Weigh-in on Tuesday! Despite the slightly lousy weekend (especially today), I'm looking forward to it. I have faith that it's going to be a good number. Perhaps a little more than Friday since that was a big drop (maybe a fluke?), but still...I think I'll be happy.

Until then, cheers!

Friday, November 6, 2009


I'm the worst! I meant to post here on Tuesday after my weigh-in, but I've been so busy with NaNoWriMo that I completely forgot. I come home from work and have to write some words, but it has to be in my novel and not here if I want to make the NaNoWriMo goal. So far it's going really well, I've got over 36,000 words. I'm so excited!

So a little backpedaling here. Tuesday's weigh-in was a success - 240.4. So I lost almost 2 pounds since the Tuesday before. Yay! (The weight in my first blog post was my Friday weight, NOT my Tuesday weight. That's why there's a discrepancy.) And I've been sticking to the vow I made about not allowing myself crappy food even if it fits into my calorie amount for the day, and it's really been working! I haven't had any cravings all week and I've been staying on track and doing really well. Some days this is effortless...other times it's like pulling teeth. I'm grateful for the former this week!

My sister and I do our official weigh-in on Tuesday, but we do a mid-week weigh in on Fridays as well. My Friday weigh-in, which is today? 235. I am SO not kidding!!! :D And I know it looks like a huge drop, but my scale was doing funny things on Tuesday; I could have been either 240.4 or I could have been 238.2. It kept jumping back and forth, so I just went with the higher number. I've gone with the lower number before and have been totally disappointed. LOL Today I weighed myself 3 times and got 235, 235, and 233.8. So I figure best 2 out of 3, right? And I know I seem like I'm obsessesd, weighing myself 3 times, but I swear I'm not crazy. Just trying to get the most accurate number!

Today I'm off from work, so I'm hoping that I don't get tempted by stuff in the house. I didn't wake up craving stuff like I did last week though, so I'm feeling optimistic. Tonight is my Cheat Meal and I'm really looking forward to it! LOL It helps me stay on track during the week, and it will be especially helpful to remember if I get cravings today.

So...let's look at the numbers. I've decided to incorporate my BMI in here too, mostly because I'm so excited about it! Who gets excited about a BMI? LOL Well, mine finally isn't terribly gross anymore, so I'M excited. ;)

Current Weight: 235

High Weight: 298.2

Goal Weight: 190
Current BMI: 34.7

High BMI: 42.5

My goal is to be 220 by Christmas. Here's to working hard!


Monday, November 2, 2009

A Good Day...Finally!

I'm proud of myself for not being an oinker today. I had an epiphany this morning, though it wasn't really epiphany-worthy. I've been fooling myself as to why eating healthy has been difficult for me lately. I've been telling myself lies, mostly.

"I have no idea WHAT the problem is!"

"I have my period."

"I don't know why I'm eating all of those Doritos. Maybe my sodium is low."

Yeah, okay. Or maybe I'm a food addict. Because here's the thing... If I don't eat those foods, I don't crave them! I really don't. But if I eat one Dorito, or one chocolate chip cookie, I unleash that monkey on my back. So I vowed that today would be different, and it was!

I usually have no problem staying I'm track when I'm at work because I'm always so busy, but when I'm home, I'm distracted by all the yumminess we have in the house! Because even though I'm trying to eat healthy I don't force Hubs to snack on the things that I keep around. Which, by the way, aren't berries and twigs. But Hubs is a big fan of MSG and preservatives, which is fine...I just have to stay away from that stuff because it fuels my addiction. But anyway, I got home from work super early today and was a little worried about myself. It was all good, though!

For breakfast, on my way to work, I had a coffee with some organic half & half and Splenda with Fiber. I also ate a serving of dry Gluten-Free O's that we get from our supermarket. I don't know the brand, but I know that it's good! There's only 110 calories in two-thirds of a cup, which is a lot of cereal.

I got to work and found out that I was pretty much just going to turn around and come home. LOL On my way home I was craving something sweet...all psychological, by the way, and probably having everything to do with the shit I ate this weekend. To feed my need, I had a mini Clif bar for 100 calories.

Got home and had to run some errands, but after that errands I had a container of vegan Tortilla Soup by Dr. McDougall for lunch. I don't know who the hell Dr. McDougall is, but I know he makes a damn good soup for 200 calories! Lots of cilantro, and it tastes really salty but barely has any sodium added. Plus, it's super filling. I snacked on organic baby carrots and a Light Babybel cheese in the afternoon. For dinner I had Cedar Lane Spinach and Cheese Tamales, which are pretty standard for me. They're 330 calories and keep me full for a while - no easy feat. For dessert I had a half a serving of Green & Black's Organic Chocolate with toffee pieces. I usually go for their 85% dark chocolate, but I was in the mood for the creamy stuff tonight.

So far I'm at 1100 calories. I have about 180 left before I hit my limit for the day and it's only 6:20 PM...so maybe more food to come. But whatever it is, it WON'T be something I shouldn't eat. No food crack for me today, I need to reset my brain.

And tomorrow is weigh-in day! Stay tuned. :)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I'm Not A Loser...

...I swear. Though it might seem like I am.

It pains me to start out my blog with a little story of failure, but shit happens. Yesterday was my Cheat Meal day, and everything worked out pretty well. According to my Lose It! app on my iTouch, my body needs a little more than 1800 calories a day to lose 2 pounds a week without exercise. I typically don't allow myself more than 1300 because 1) I won't exercise and 2) I want to lose faster, damn it. So although I had my Cheat Meal yesterday, I doubt that I went over 2500 calories all day. That's not bad.

The problem? I had a Cheat Meal today as well, and that was bad. Although it could have been worse! Hubs and I went to Cracker Barrel (lovingly referred to in the future as The Barrel) where I got grilled chicken (good choice), turnip greens (good choice), dumplings and mashed potatoes (BAD choices). Oh, and I ate a biscuit (bad choice). But that was it! And up until dinner I'd only eaten about 650calories. So hopefully we're not too bad.

The other problem is that I made Hubs chocolate chip cookies on Friday. I bake like Betty freakin' Crocker...I seriously do...and my chocolate chip cookies are heaven on earth. I don't say that to be egotistical, I say it because it's true. They're like little gifts from God. Anyway, 5 dozen of those tasty little morsels have been in our kitchen since Friday, the number dwindling. Hubs has eaten about 2 dozen on his own. I will confess...I had 4 today. But in my defense, they're little! But it's still no excuse.

Tuesday is weigh-in day. My sister and I stopped making Monday weigh-in day, because sometimes we need that day to hydrate and lose water weight if we've had a questionable weekend. Kind of like I'll need to do this Monday.

We'll see what Tuesday holds!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Chubbly? Not For Long!

I may be chubbly, but not for long.

Food and me? Well, we have an exciting relationship. We thrive off each other, really. Food makes me happy, and when I accept her, she likes to just glomp on to me and hang out. She thinks she's being funny, but really she's not. Food is just hanging around and making me fat.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't call on her so often. If I didn't call on her, she'd be comfortable when I needed to abandon her from time to time. But no. Instead, she's gotten so used to me needed her that she clings. She clings on my hips and my thighs. She clings onto my face, which is the worst for me as it is the most unbecoming. She clings to my ass like a crazed monkey. She clings on my boobs, though she knows she's allowed to stay there for as long as she'd like. That is the one place Food is welcome.

So, what to do about our crazy relationship?

It's time to cut the ties. Well...at least a little.

I have been chubbly my whole life. Why do I use the word "chubbly", you wonder? It's just that "chubby" sounds so gross, and "fat" is so degrading. "Chubbly" is cute. (Right?) Chubbly bubbly, chubbly cheeks...almost sounds like "cuddly", and who doesn't like cuddly?

Moving on...

I've always been a bit chubbly. However, it never hindered me, and I was always able to participate in sports, I had boyfriends and dates galore, wore clothes from normal stores...so, I avoided a lot of the stuff that typically befalls us chubbly women. How, I'll never know. Because if I wasn't being so nice to myself, I would just tell you that I was a fat cow. So how I fit into jeans from the Gap will always be one of life's greatest mysteries, but I won't complain.

My husband, who I refer to only as Hubs, has always thought I was gorgeous. He thought I was gorgeous last Christmas when I tipped the scales at a whopping 298 pounds. He grabbed my ass on a daily basis, always complimented me, and when I felt like piss going down the drain, he'd tell me I was beautiful. I always thought he was a liar, or at least a Chubby Chaser. (A not-so-nice term would be a "Fat Fucker".) He denies that he's a Chubby Chaser; time and time again he'd say, "But beautiful, you're not chubby!" But I knew different. And so did the scale. Because despite the fact that I'm 5'9 and a DD, 298 pounds is NEVER okay. It's just not. And when I had to buy a pair of size 20 jeans from the Gap sometime before the Hefty Weight of Christmas, I assured myself that their clothes were getting smaller...NOT that my waist was getting bigger. Nevermind that I was thoroughly enjoying a 640-calorie sausage, egg, cheese sandwich from Dunkin' Donuts every morning. Oh, and a 500-calorie cookie after that. Oh, and Hubs and I went out for dinner every night, so I was probably sucking down around 1800 calories for that meal. So while I wasn't sitting around eating several rotisserie chickens at once and washing them down with gallons of Tin Roof Sundae, I was clearly still eating like it was my job.

Fast-forward to May of this year. I was still hovering around 288 pounds, so...YAY ME...I lost 10 pounds with the promise of the New Year.

"I resolve to NEVER eat junk food again."

"I'm going to exercise EVERY day."

"No more desserts. NONE!"

Or something like that. And I guess it worked for a little while, but soon I was back on the Wagon of Disgusting. I traded my Dunkin' Donuts breakfast for an equally gross BK Lounge (Burger King, for those of you not in the know) breakfast. It was so bad that the little Mexican woman that took my drive-through order every day knew my voice, and the time I ordered "a Number 2, small-sized with a Diet Coke", she said, "Honey, do you mean a medium?" No, Rosa...I didn't. But since you mentioned it, that's what I'll have. I don't want to make you feel bad for being wrong, after all. So Rosa would be happy, and I would be simultaneously happy and repulsed as I ate my sausage, egg, and cheese on a biscuit with more greasy Crispy Crowns than I could shake a stick at. Thank God the soda was diet. [Roll eyes here.]

May brought my sister's birthday, and we went out and had a jolly good feast that day. That night, before Hubs and I left to come back home, my sister was despairing about how she needed to lose weight. I needed to lose weight, too; I couldn't walk up the steps without feeling winded, all of my clothes looked like total shit on me (because despite thinking that you can "dress thin" even when you're not, I looked like an uncomfortable cow in everything I wore), I had started foregoing certain activities that had a weight limit (sometimes because I didn't want to mention my weight, other times because I was just plain too fat to do something, like a zipline tour with a 240-pound weight limit), and I was getting awfully close to hitting the capacity on the scale at the doctor's office. What would they do with me then, weigh me at the zoo?

I was NOT going there.

So my sister and I made a pact that day. No more refined flour or refined sugar. Everyone knows that they're addictive, but few people know that it's actually the chemicals used in the refining process that make them addictive. So we found alternate sources of sugar, namely organic and unrefined sources. We sought out things made with whole wheat flour. We cut down our calories to about 1300 a day, which forced us to make good choices.

The week we stopped eating refined sugar and white flour, we felt like shit. I felt I had the flu for 3 days. I had tunnel vision and got dizzy every time I stood up. It felt like someone had a vice around my head. My sister stayed home from school for 2 days because she was exhausted. Considering the withdrawal we went through, I can only imagine how detrimental those things are to our bodies.

So here we are, 6 months later. I have lost 47 pounds since we started, 57 since the beginning of the year. We've felt comfortable enough to start incorporating the Forbidden Foods into our meals - but only on occasion, and really hardly ever. But if I go to my in-laws for dinner, I won't ask my mother-in-law not to use refined sugar or white flour. I either skip those things or I eat a few bites and leave it. Same with desserts. And I have a cheat meal every week, but just one meal, not a whole day. Visiting my parents is easier since my sister still lives at home. Their pantry is stocked with Kashi food, whole wheat bread, and the like. But I don't go to other people's homes and expect them to cater to me. I just do the best I can to make it a lifestyle now instead of a diet. And you know, I always hated when people said that. "It's a lifestyle, not a diet!!!" I always thought it was a load of bullshit. But it really is true...you just have to find a lifestyle that makes sense for you. I'm not going to live a life that doesn't allow me to ever eat bread or sugar or red meat. I'm just trying to make better choices, even if I still go a little crazy once in a while. I try to follow the 90-10 rule: If I eat well 90% of the time, the 10% of the time I don't won't kill me. And so far, it's working.

And so here begins the blog, following my progress to lose the next 51 pounds so that I can hit my goal weight of 190. Less than 200...less than my husband...a size 12 in Gap jeans. That's what I'm shooting for.

And hopefully I keep my boobs.

Hideous Number time:

Current Weight: 241.2

High Weight: 298.2

Goal Weight: 190

Side note: When I told Hubs I was starting this blog, he asked me if he could read it. I said, "I don't know...the only person who knows my number is my sister." (Number meaning my weight.) Hubs said, "Beautiful, the only number I see when I look at you is 10."

How. CUTE. Hubs, you are a gem, and I love you.